The Secret to Getting Laid

Here it is fellas. The secret to getting laid.

Note: What I am about to tell you particularly applies if you are in a steady committed relationship, and will only fail if your partner is totally crazy and/or neurotic. In which case, let’s face it, you have bigger problems to worry about.


Clean the house, the apartment, the camper, wherever you live.

I once saw a commercial (like, a decade ago) for an episode of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ in which Raymond is vacuuming the drapes and his wife says something to the effect of, ‘You have never been sexier to me than you are right now.’ I didn’t even watch that show. But I remember that commercial. It stuck in my head all these years because it is so true!

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If You Can Smell Each Others’ Farts and Still Have Sex, You’ll be Okay.

Sometimes I do this thing called ‘free-writing’ to help me out when I am working on a writing project. Have you ever done this? You basically just write down whatever comes into your head, however gobbly-gook-ish it may be. It is super helpful and feels freeing (true to the name) because it is a chance to shut up that pesky editor voice that can linger in the back of your mind while working. Recently, I did one that turned into some back story narrative and decided to just go with it, and try to re-visit the going for gobbly-gook thing later (because going even further and not making any sense does actually help and take your mind / writing words to some cool places, so it is nice to challenge yourself to keep going beyond if something like a narrative situation starts to happen).

I was hoping I could work this back story into the novel I am working on at some  point. Right now, I don’t know if that will happen, but I feel like I need a place to put it for now. So here it is:

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