If you were a super hero and could pick your own super power, what would it be?

Do you tweet? I am too lazy to start a twitter account. Although it could be cool, because if I did I could do things like follow Patrick Stewart and read the many awesome things I’m sure he has to say.

If I tweeted, the tweets would sound something like this:

  • Our neighbor is mowing the lawn in flip flops. I want to go over and tell her that my uncle lost a toe that way.
  • Sometimes, I think pepper jack cheese tastes the way that a poopy diaper smells. But then I still eat it.
  • I used the word, ‘snuffed,’ today at work when I meant to say, ‘snubbed.’ No one realized the mistake and they all used ‘snuff’ for the remainder of the conversation. Sick fracks.
  • If I were a super hero I would want my super power to be farting anytime anywhere without having to worry about sound or smell.
  • My refrigerator sounds like chirping birds . Is that a bad thing? I have just been pretending that I’m in nature when in fact I am in the kitchen.

Oh, and now I want to know, if you were a super hero and could pick your own super power, what would it be?

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