Love Hurts

Things I have done — accidentally of course — in the name of klutziness:

  • Used hydro-cortisone cream as toothpaste.
  • Sniffed eye drops. (Dude, that hurt. The eye drops sort of looked like my Afrin bottle. Afrin in the eyes would have been worse, right?)
  • Elbowed my husband in the face. (I was just reaching for a pillow. Still, he totally got a black eye from that one.)
  • Sat on a cream filled desert.


And I trip over thin air, but that happens several times a day. It doesn’t get a special bullet point.

Running into doors and walls are a daily occurrence. Frack, even open doorways, which seem to be obstacle free open pathways, are still dangerous. Because I just walk into the door frame. Which is usually at least less painful than miss judging the amount of force needed to pull a door open and whacking myself in the head.

No one is safe around me. My husband ends up with as many injuries as I do as a result of my unfortunate disposition. He has just taken to saying, ‘Love hurts,’ whenever I maim him is some way.

To klutzes! Cheers.

I am pretty sure klutziness is genetic and also that I get it from my dad. Who, like me, falls over while just standing there.

But here is why my dad is awesome. He tripped a few weeks ago, while walking on a straight, paved pathway. He was holding his granddaughter as he walked, and thus also when he tripped.

He fell.

He had just enough time to put his body between the ground and his 18 month old granddaughter before eating pavement, so that she was perfectly fine. Not a scratch. My dad, however, was pretty banged up. Don’t worry, he is okay now. My dad is fracking awesome.



What chocolate eclairs look like after they have been sat on, and a friend takes a picture and texts it to you to make fun of you, and your hubby takes it off of your old phone and emails it to you because you say, ‘Hey, sugar nipples, can you take a pic off of my old phone? The one Tim texted to me after I sat on the pastries that were on the seat of the car when I was in his driveway? Thanks!’

14 thoughts on “Love Hurts

  1. I know this post was meant to be funny, being about klutzes and all………..buuuutttttttttttt, I am PMS’ing so I actually got goosebumps and teary eyed when reading about your dad. Way to Go Dad/Grandpa! Totally something my dad would do too.
    Now……If I read your ‘And my mom said, “whats a dildo” ‘ and I bawl my eyes out, well then I have a problem. 😉

    • Yes! I totally get teary eyed and goosebumpy whenever I think about what my dad did. Then I feel super duper lucky! And glad that my husband gets to have him as father-in-law, because hubby’s dad left when hubby was just a wee little one (I think five-years-old) He lives less than an hour away, and has never tried to contact his kids, ever. So sad. Makes me even more teary eyed over my dad!

  2. You call your husband “sugar nipples”? I’m pretty sure we don’t need to know the origin of that one.

    My wife accidentally on purpose elbows me all of the time. It rarely wake me up.

    ♫Going to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches♫
    Had to share what I am liistening to while I type. Sometimes that explains why my mind wanders.

  3. As a fellow klutz, I loved this post! My mom used to say about me “You could trip over the pattern on the linoleum!” The sad thing is that is the truth. When My eldest son was 3 his favorite game to play was “How did you get that scar, Mommy?” and the truth is if I’m not wearing a band-aid I feel a little naked.

  4. thanks for visiting my blog, a bench with a view, and your comment. I too am a klutz, always knocking into walls; today I accidentally poured orange juice into my cereal bowl, etc. So glad your little one wasn’t hurt in the fall; wishing your dad a speedy recovery!


  5. I accidentally fall down the steps so much that people have stopped asking if I’m ok… I feel ya! Stay strong!



    • Isn’t it odd how people get so very used to our calamities? It is all so casual now when I do something klutzy. When I first meet people, they are so concerned at first. But after they know me for a while it’s like, ‘eh, so you just almost amputated your leg. What’s new?’

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